on may 28th, my cat oscar passed away. sorta sudden, although in retrospect it seemed like perfect timing. we were visiting alabama in may and were about to leave when he went, which made the flight back to nebraska traumatic as i was unable to fully process losing my best friend because i was being pulled away from the people i needed to be with the most. those days in nebraska were miserable. i'm glad i can say "those days" now but they were fucking torturous. we made the (mostly) impulse decision to move back home to alabama so i could be closer to my family. the distance was killing me and losing oscar on top of flying back to nebraska broke me. my dad flew up to help us drive a uhaul through six states, a fifteen hour drive, in one day. i ate some arizona (the tea brand) fruit gummies from a gas station in missouri that were awful. had some popeyes chicken in arkansas that healed my soul halfway through the trek. it was one of the most fun things i've ever experienced in my life, i've never seen so much of america before. i've been slowly adjusting to being back in alabama, but it's been difficult. i keep seeing him around, even when he's not there. i'm always so hurt when it's not him.
me and the boy, circa '09
oscar was such a beautiful, kind cat. i'd always call him stinky, even though he smelled fine. whenever he'd be sitting in my arms at my desk, i'd always sniff the top of his head. he had such a cute, comforting smell. does that sound weird? like smelling a teddy bear. he was kinda my teddy bear. i'd sit next to him when he was just chilling on the floor and baby talk him, poke him and pet him. he looked pissed, but he was just purring away. would hop on guests laps and just immediately give so much love to people he's introducing himself to. some weren't really cat people, and would be shocked at how relaxed he was. "my cat usually bites me." i think the last time oscar bit me i was rubbing his little rabbit paws trying to piss him off. but that was so rare, he'd usually just run off with a little "mrrh,". such a little fuckin man. i've been having a hard, hard time adjusting to life without him. i'd do anything to just see him slowly trot by, probably for food. i'm so happy that oscar got to live the fullest life he could, despite everything. the runt of the litter, just a little delta kitten. i'm so happy to have met him. i'm so happy he met so many people, all of whom loved him.
i loved when he grabbed his feet when he slept
thank you for reading this incoherent emotional mess. i felt like i needed to put it out there, just to chronicle where we're at now. i'm working on decorating my room right now, i've put new string lights up and started putting more fun stuff on my walls. i've also been collecting cassette tapes again! that's made me so happy, i love having my favorite hobby back. i hope ya'll are doing well out there, please stay cool and drink some water, okay?